My Unholy & Most Likely Unpopular Opinion About One Direction's "Best Song Ever!"

Let me tell you: It is not the "Best Song Ever!" It doesn't even come close to being a decent song at all, despite what fellow Directioners harp on about in the Youtube Comments section.

But before we get into all of that, I am not hater.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen Directioners, I myself am a fan- a sane one, mind you- and I would never go out of my way to hate on the boys*.  Or hating on celebrity persons in general. (Just seems so petty and pathetic. They don't even know you.) Therefore, this post is purely OPINION & purely CONSTRUCTIVE. 

• First off, the lyrics, courtesy of directlyrics.com: *Spoiler: There's counting in it.*

Maybe it's the way she walked, straight into my heart and stole it

Through the doors and past the guards, just like she already own it

I said can you give it back to me, she said never in your wildest dreams



(Stole it? Own it? Really? Come on.)


We all know that One Direction seeks to sell their music off to a certain age-group, to a certain target consumer ranging from pre-teen to teen girls. Accordingly, their music also happens to reflect the same teenage-girl oriented content. You know, all that love and partying and "you are the gem of my eye, you are the prettiest even if you're obsessed with me you still totally have a chance 'cuz Ur my guurrlllll, baby" sort of shit that is always the same sort of shit, so variety and originality are already gone off into the wind while our classic rock artists cry crystalline rock tears into their ripped jean jackets.

(Not that they did any better either. Still, variety.)

Furthermore, the rhyming. One Direction is infamous for their rhyme-y, whiny lyrics, such as this little excerpt from the song:



And we danced all night to the best song ever
We knew every line now I can't remember
How it goes but I know that I won't forget her
Cause we danced all night to the best song ever



That's some shit only a genius could ever come up with. Like Shiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt. It certainly is a grade above my first-grade rhyming skills when I tried to rhyme icky with bug-y. Like do they even try to sustain some of their integrity when reworking the lyrics? They can't be like All the other boy bands, right?

Then, of course, the discordant lyrics that really doesn't tie in with the whole song and threw me off the many times I tried to like the song for the sake of Fan-ning:



Said her name was georgia rose, and her daddy was a dentist

Said I had a dirty mouth (i got a dirty mouth) but she kissed me like she meant it

I said can I take you home with me, she said never in your wildest dreams


Har-de-har-har. That was a really funny innuendo. Let me swoon under your boyish charm while you catch me in your awesomely ripped arms and kiss me senseless under the full moon. 

Like really, what's the point of that whole Southern Belle name and giving her dad a profession just to tie in with a horrible innuendo? That is the million-dollar question.

• Second, the music/style of singing/composition: It Was Bad.

I'm not some elitist music person. I probably don't even know half the shit most people my age should know about music, considering how my pretentious classmates walk on about with their band shirts and look down on you once the name One Direction rolls off your tongue *rolls eye*. But I think that I do know enough to say that the whole musical accompaniment was horrific. A mix of half-hearted Disney show-tune made in a month, but ultimately failed still. Basically, it SUCKED. Big Time.

It was basically a mashed up, patchworked composition that had no direction whatsoever. There was nothing about it that screamed "mindless, boy band, upbeat song". The beginning was a monotonous disaster. Harry shouldn't have started it off in the first place. 

One Direction's musicality has never been the cream of the crop. Just a lot of thrown together, cheesy, but nonetheless, catchy songs. This time around, Best Song Ever failed to even match their current state of artistry.

Furthermore, why include the Duck? Why was there a Duck in the song? I did not appreciate the Quack after Harry sings the first line. Really bad first impression: 



Harry: Maybe it's the way she walks


Duck: WAaaAllLks!



I did not appreciate the weird attempt at making the chorus sound fun, especially with all that rhyming in it already. The strange emphasis on the "er's" was especially annoying. Like the lyrics tried to run off the measure, but the boy's just forced themselves to sing it out last minute. So cringe-worthy.

The redeeming parts, I would say, about the song is their "Oh's" and "Yeah's". I enjoyed that along with Zayn's followup after Harry's clusterfuck of a line ft. Duck. Zayn's richer and lower tone really added depth to the song that otherwise wouldn't have been there.



I suppose after going out of my way to critique the song I might as well rate it with all my reasons splayed out. I give it: 


3/10
Songwriting: 2
Composition: 3
Impression: 3.5

*Sigh* Okay, bring on the hate. I'm ready to be called a Directionator.


__________________________
*||Except for disliking Liam? I heard some particularly disturbing accounts of his misogyny, and the Equalitist/Feminist in me began to hate him outright. This is actually a question. Either confirm or deny. I tried looking for the post about it again, but I couldn't find it.||